April 10th

My Dearest Virginia,

One year ago today, in the quiet and dark of an Atlanta spring morning, you entered this world. Small and fragile, wrapped in a pink blanket, your soul already gone, you were handed to your Daddy and me.

We had such little time with you, my darling girl - heartbreaking how little time. Those moments, though, are some of the most precious in my life: Being able to hold you, to pray for you, to read you a story. Having the chance to kiss you and wrap your tiny hand around my finger the same way your brother and sisters did upon meeting in the hospital. Given the chance to whisper through hot tears and sharp breaths how much you are loved and how sorry I was that I had to say goodbye. These are the memories I have of you here on Earth and memories that play over and over in my head.

Not a night has gone by that I haven't fallen asleep picturing your tiny body and beautiful, delicate face. I imagine how that face would have changed and developed over the past year. The pink cheeks in your newborn photos. The chubby cheeks during your first six months framed by the same curls your sisters had. The bright eyes watching all the chaos as the youngest of four.

Rarely do I see your siblings playing in those precious childhood snapshots that I want to remember forever and don't think "She should be here. This picture isn't complete."  You are missed so much and still such a large part of who we are as a family. Our love for you has reshaped us and redefined our priorities.

So a year has passed and we face April 10th again. With a heavy heart I brace myself for the anniversary of the terrible day that I lost you and the one priceless day that I had you. It feels fitting that it would be on Good Friday this year - when the world thought all hope was lost but the greatest joy was still to come. I know we will be reunited again, whole and perfect, in the presence
of our Savior.

In the few days after we left the hospital, three different friends reached out to me to let me know that on April 10th they had woken suddenly around 4:00 am with the strong urge to pray for us both. You were born suddenly and earlier than anticipated right after 4:00, covered in prayer and love by people who would never get the chance to meet you. And so it has continued this long year - with you being so deeply and desperately loved both her on Earth and in Heaven.

When we handed you to our nurses, who had been brisk and all business, the head nurse pushed my hair back from my face. She wiped my eyes, cupped my face, and lifted my chin to meet her eyes. With the most emphatic voice she whispered "She is your daughter. She will always be your daughter."

And she is right. You will always be mine, my darling girl. Always.

Until we meet again.
Love,
Momma

When Corona Makes You Crazy

I tend to consider myself a rational person. I am a cost-benefit analysis, make a pros and cons list, don't believe any "factual" meme on Facebook unless it is reasons UVA is better than VT kind of person.

The Corona Pandemic, though... it might be cracking my illusion I had of my rational persona.

In our house, we are taking all the precautions. We are sheltering at home. We aren't having play dates. We are using terms like "exponential growth" and "viral load" and, with the exception of Baby K who will never be dissuaded from thumb sucking, nobody is touching their faces. We are storing packages before opening and washing our hands and taking shoes off before we come inside and doing all the safety things. ALL THE THINGS.*

*Except Cloroxing our fresh fruit cause y'all... that is insane.

So when the murmurs about everyone needing masks started, I jumped on my research. Countless internet searches ending in empty shopping carts made it apparent pretty quickly this was one time Amazon wasn't going to help me. Prime or not, Jeff Bezos is not stocking my family with safety gear.

I thought about making my own and then realized, based on my limited sewing ability, the best I could offer was to monogram an already made one. While I still don't consider this a bad idea (Easy to know whose mask is whose! Monogramming presents a sense of normalcy in the Deep South!), it isn't also an idea I (or probably most of the world's medical community) would call "helpful."

In steps an angel friend who is sewing masks around the clock to donate to the hospitals and make sure her friends and family are covered. She sends cute prints. She asks about how the kids would like them tied. She pours her heart into it and - bam! Buchanans are fully masked!

I picked them on Sunday and breathed a sigh of relief. I am responsible. I am an adult. I am CDC Compliant with Disney patterns.

I came home, threw them in our decontamination zone (aka the kitchen table in our garage I really am going to chalk paint one day, I swear, I just have a lot going on right now, okay), and thought "I will deal with this a week from now when it is time to leave the house again."

And then y'all... it went downhill so quickly. The toilets went haywire thanks to an errant tree root.  We had to call in emergency plumbers. At the same time, our precious friends who made the masks were being tested for Corona with a high probability of being positive. The masks still laid in the decontamination zone, waiting to be washed on the sanitary setting in a house that was incapable of running water. So there we were - plumbers minutes out, no "safe" masks in site, and my brain screaming "DO WHAT THE CDC TELLS YOU TO DO! MASK EVERYONE!"

That is when I learned that I am perhaps not as cool under pressure as I thought. Because did I google "How long does Corona live on fabric?"  so I would know if the masks were safe. Nope. Did I research "No Sew Masks" and MacGyver one quickly for RB to wear when he interacted with the crew? Negative. Did I suggest "Why don't we just text the plumbers from the basement and really increase both our safety and their's?" Not even close.

Instead, I relied on a meme I saw repeatedly on Facebook that said the microwave would sanitize any cloth face masks. It is quick! It is reliable! It probably means you don't have a lot of education in any sort of science based curriculum! 

I stuck ALL seven (sorry, Albert and Laura) of those beautiful, handcrafted masks in the microwave, hit "3 minutes" because sure, why not - the meme didn't specify a specific time - and slammed the door in triumph.

During the first chorus of "Happy Birthday" as I washed my hands, I thought smugly to myself "See, we got this. Take that plumbing crisis during a pandemic! We are on top of things."

During the second chorus of "Happy Birthday," I began to smell the smoke. And see the smoke. And hear my children asking why was there smoke.

And that, my friends, is the story of how RB once greeted a team of plumbers during a pandemic wearing a scrap of old fabric attached to his face with a hair tie, telling him in the same breath, "Thanks for coming. I am not sick. No, the fire isn't active anymore. My wife made me wear this. Yeah... your masks look a lot more appropriate for the situation."

Stay safe friends - and don't believe everything you read on Facebook. XOXO

Quarantine Time Capsule

Things I have learned about my family since we started social distancing:

(Also known as random things I have discovered as I have made everyone deep clean the house):

1. RB keeps black socks in his car and then just replaces his work socks every day. This probably really speaks much more to my ability to keep up with laundry than anything in particular about him. 

2. Bonnie is really listening to every thing I say and - not as well known to me - is repeating it to Baby K. This is the worst game of telephone ever. 

2b. Related: Bon and Baby K keep threatening to give each other "Corona" and they also believe having Corona involves losing a limb.  

3. Will literally can't get enough of me. Ever. There is no amount that is too much. The limit does not exist. 

4. RB does not find my "Mean Girls" quotes endearing nor is he willing to watch "Mean Girls."

5. Sonny Dog 100% has a family limit. She reached it two weeks ago. 

6. Baby K is always starving unless it is time to eat a fruit or vegetable. Additionally, Baby K has been stashing a roll of thin mints and left over birthday candy in her nightstand. She told me it was for when I serve green beans. She is also confused as to why this is not okay. 

7. Will can lock the basement door. He prefers to do it when he is supposed to be in the basement with his sisters and daddy while I have a conference call. He has impeccable timing and is always able to lock said door, climb up to my room, and interrupt only at the moment I actually have to start speaking. 

7b. Despite this happening every week, multiple times a week, RB is still generally shocked when I come to tell him my call is done and have Will in my arms. 

8. Katherine thought underwear was only something you had to wear when you left the house. This has been corrected. 

9. There is, in fact, a limit to how extroverted I am. It hits around the 4th Zoom call and 14th excessive hour of four people speaking to me. The only solution for this is 15 minutes in the garage pretending that I am sorting recycling. 

9b. My family apparently has no idea what it takes to recycle in Gwinnett County or when our recycling day is. 

10. It doesn't matter how many ideas for Quarantine Life are on Pinterest - Bonnie is going to do it her own way. She doesn't need to hear anything else about it, okay?

11. Each child has their own special, embroidered chair for reading, watching movies, building forts , or laying backwards and yelling "I am bored." This in no way prevents fighting over which chair which child is going to use. 

12. There is no limit to how many times a day Baby K and Bon can listen to the "Zombies 2" soundtrack. RB, however, mysteriously has a "work emergency" around the second chorus of "Do It Like The Zombies Do" every. single. time. 

13. RB is living his best quarantine life which means showing the kids every "Star Wars." He is contemplating "Indiana Jones." He then "goes to work" every day, leaving me with the kids, and forcing me to have DEEP plot conversations with my children and eventually getting yelled at because I can't remember the plots, names, or characters in any of them. 

13b. If RB and I can survive this, we can survive anything.

14. Will has never felt a bigger desire to destroy toilet paper as much as when there is literally a national shortage of it. I suspect next he will turn his wrath to the Clorox wipes.

Hope your families are hanging in there and enjoying this precious time together!