It has been widely acknowledged and repeated to us that 2019 was The
Worst Year Ever™. Our friends remind us 2020 is
right around the corner and a new year brings new hope and opportunity. We
smile. We agree. 2019 was a cacophony of anguish, grief, and blow after blow.
I don’t mind saying
goodbye to 2019. I relish it. Not that 2020 will bring in a clean slate or an
unburdened heart but just, if only, for the symbolic nature of the rejuvenation
and renewal a new year brings.
But I don’t want to forget
2019 entirely. I don’t want to banish it from my memory or the annals of time.
Because there was so much good about 2019 I want to carry forward with me. So
many moments of joy and love woven in between the moments of despair.
2019 was the year my
precious Bonnie crawled into my lap to whisper that she believes the Bible, the
promises of Jesus, and wanted to be baptized. It was the year we saw her stand
up and testify to our entire church that she wanted to know Jesus, live for Jesus,
and love like Jesus for the rest of her days. It was the year I saw her rise
from the baptism waters, her eyes big, smile bigger, and knew with complete joy
that she was transformed forever.
2019 was never-ending
Frozen 2 dance parties with Baby K – long before the movie came out. It was
excitement over ever new word Buddy uttered – even though 90% of them were food
related. It was long days at the neighborhood pool and short nights ending with
babies crawling into our bed, wrapping their little legs around ours.
2019 was finding the right
school for Bon and watching her blossom academically and socially. It was
seeing her conquer fears in the pool and catching glimpses of who she will be
as a young woman. It was seeing Katherine become more compassionate as she mother
hen’d both big sister and little brother. It was watching Will test every limit
he could, knowing he was confident in the security and comfort of his home -
his mischievous smile always looking back at us to check where we were.
2019 was finding an
amazing trainer and losing 40 lbs in between pregnancies. It was being reminded
of my own strength – emotionally and physically – and going into 2020 knowing I
can do it again.
2019 was my first trip to
see the Braves with RB since having Bonnie. It was great seats and amazing
catches and hot dogs and over priced beers. And, more importantly, it was
feeling like we were finding each other again. It was a lot less discord and a
lot more dating. It was comfort and excitement wrapped up in a decade of marriage
and life experiences.
2019 – as silly as it
sounds – was the year of UVA’s National Championship in basketball and finally
taking back the Commonwealth Cup. Because there are few things as joyous and
pure as almost everyone from your formative years joined together in
excitement, anticipation, and celebration. And, of course, no greater song than
“The Good Old Song” sung in Charlottesville as UVA takes not only the game but
the Coastal Division from the Hokies.
2019 was the extravagant
joy of trips to Disney and the theatre and the excitement both bring forth. It
was the simple, beautiful joy of books under covers on a freezing morning,
dogs' wagging tails greeting you after just venturing to the mailbox, never
ending text message chains from friends that cause long, true belly laughs in
the middle of the witching hour chaos. It was hot wheels and glitter explosions
and little hands clutching beloved dolls on the right and my hand on the left.
2019 was when our friends,
family, and church showed us who they were in the most compassionate, kind, and
generous ways. And when the bottom
feel out again, they showed up even more with even bigger love.
2019 was the year of small
miracles and great grace and being reassured over and over that our God is a
mighty, present, never wavering God.
And 2019 was the year
that, for a short little time, we were able to physically love on this Earth
two precious souls who never made it home with us. 2019 was the year they
entered our family and changed our hearts forever and for the better.
So, yes, I am happy to see
2019 go. I am happy to put a symbolic barrier between our current day to day
and The Worst Year Ever™. But I go into 2020
with all the beauty that shone through the darkness of 2019 at the forefront of
my mind. And tonight, I will fall asleep sleep counting my blessings.
