Today, you hit yet another milestone in all those many milestones that come in rapidly, one after another, during these first few years of life. You hit 18 months. Closer to two than one. More toddler than baby.And in pure second child status, I realized today, unlike your big sister, there was no sentimental, gushing, adoration filled first birthday blog. If there was ever a testament to your first plus year of life, that would be it.
Your first year was much different than your sister's. There was no schedule formed entirely around your wants and needs. No leisurely naps that lasted as long as your heart wanted, us both curled together in bed, bonding while the rest of the world was shut out completely. There were no baby Gymboree classes or effort to find mommy and baby friends.
Instead there were naps in your car seat while at sister's ballet practice or on the way to swim lessons. Every Monday - Thursday, I cringed as I had to wake you up early from your deep sleep so we weren't late for car line again. Always the last ones, yes, but never "late." Your friends were sister's friends - or their little siblings. 
But for all the second child neglect, my darling girl, your first 18 months were ones of magic and light. Though they started out a little rocky, you never failed to fit right into our crazy fold. I worried when I was pregnant with you that the loud raucousness of your future home would prove to be too much for a tiny, fragile new being. But from the very first day, you held your own. You let us know you are happy with the brightest of smiles and the loudest of laughs. Your displeasure is quickly shown with tiny little fists of anger and grunts of disapproval. You stand up to your sister and dogs and clearly run this house.
When you aren't busy being the Alpha Dog, you are all cuddles and coos. Your head on my shoulder is one of my most favorite parts of the day. You tucked into me, us becoming one again, your small hand patting my back... providing us both with comfort that is immeasurable.
You are a daddy's girl through and through - loving to climb on him, and pull his beard, and laughing with abandonment at the mere sight of him just walking through the door. You are his spitting image - especially as he looked as a little boy - though you bare your Papa's bright blue eyes.
You have decided that Sonny Girl is yours and yours alone. You make sure to give her hugs and kisses at least once every 30 minutes and forcibly remove your sister's hand when she dares try to pet the pup that she has known and loved twice as long as you. Boones continues to be your elusive white whale, but daily you try over and over to gain the old girl's affection.
We sing the chorus to "She's a Maniac" over and over to you because you are a dancing maniac. Anything with a strong bassline, and you are on your feet, weaving and bobbing, and mesmerized by the music that takes you over. You clap when sister turns up Taylor Swift and lay down in exasperation when Pandora shifts to a slow song. We joke about you sneaking out to clubs when you are a teenager but also semi-seriously google alarm systems for the window and "how to track your teenager."
Every day, you are more and more of a joy in our lives. Your love of everyone around you. Your excited squeal at the most simple of pleasures. Your insistence already at knowing what you want and when you want it. You are smile and laughter and sunshine, even when you are having a typical toddler moment.
When we named you, we did so hoping naming you after one so grieved and missed would be a balm to our aching souls. We hoped the remembrance and legacy would help us to move on with more love than grief. But more than your name or the continuation of life after death, your spirit has provided us with a year of unimaginable happiness and healing. You, my love, are our rainbow baby in more ways than one.
Each day as you grow, I grieve a little that this baby stage with you seems to fly so much faster than it did with big sister. I worry that you don't have the same attention and love she did. I fret about throwing a baby brother into the mix so soon. I panic with you more than I did with big sister. But you look at me with those always twinkling, giant blue eyes, and that little crooked smile with the teeth still slowly coming in, and you reassure me. You let me know that you are happy and loved and growing steadily and strong in your own magnificent way.
Yes, you face so many second child problems on a daily basis. Yet each day you continue to amaze us all with your vivacious demeanor and unique Katherine-ness that makes you so absolutely and wonderfully you. Happy 1st birthday, my precious girl, so, so late. Though we may do your blogs late or drag you to appointments or ruin your sleep schedule, please always know how adored and loved you are. Our hearts grew exponentially the day you were born and continue to do so with each smile and adventure you bring.
